he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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