i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
