Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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