Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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