he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
