How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
