2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
is it fun? or sober?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
