I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
