I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
