her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
