um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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