i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
