God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
