ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
