He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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