he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
