I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
