it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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