I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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