i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
