before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
