blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
