I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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