You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
