capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
