She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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