I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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