i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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