conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
