i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
