DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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