we have officially lost it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
