fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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