How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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