I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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