She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Shame - the story of my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
