What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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