My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
