you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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