I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
