I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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