You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
