just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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