Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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