in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
