im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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