She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
