we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
