Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
