I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
