If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He passed out mid-signature
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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