I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
