Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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