This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
